Personal Benefits of Listening
To Learn, To relate, to influence, To play, and to help
5 Step process of Listening
process of receiving, understanding, remembering, evaluating, and responding
Receiving (process of listening)
Hearing and the attending to messages
Understanding (Process of listening)
Figuring out a meaning from the message you hear
Evaluating (process of listening)
Thinking critically about and judging a message
Responding (process of listening)
answering or giving feedback to a speaker
Disclaimers
statements that aim to ensure that your messages will be understood and will not reflect negatively upon you
Hedging
seperates you from the message, so if listener rejects your message they won't reject you. Example: "I may be wrong here but...
Credentialing
Helps you establish your special qualifications for saying what you're about to say ("Don't get me wrong, I'm not homophobic" or "As someone who telecommutes, I...")
Sin Licenses
Ask listeners for permission to deviate in some way from some normally accepted convention ("I know this may not be the place to discuss business, but...")
Cognitive Disclaimers
Help you make the case that you're in full possession of your faculties ("I know you'll think I'm crazy, but let me explain the logic of the case...")
Appeals for the Suspension of Judgment
Ask listeners to hear you out before making a judgment. ("Don't hang up on me until you hear my side of the story") or ("Already know you are going to say no, but hear me out okay....?")
First way in which you can improve your listening understanding
Avoid assuming you understand what the speaker is going to say before he or she actually says it, assumptions are going to prevent you from accurately listening to what the speaker wants to say
Second way in which you can better understand
See the speakers messages from the speakers point of view, avoid judging the message until you fully understand it as the speaker intended you to understand it
third way in which you can better understand
Ask questions for clarification, if needed ask for examples or additional details
Fourth way to better understand
Rephrase the speakers ideas in your own words
Remembering
it is reconstructive not reproductive, you reconstruct a message in a way that makes sense to you
Short-term memory
is very limited in capacity, you can hld only a small amount of information in there, info you can remember long enough before you forget it like a telephone number
Long-term memory
unlimited.
Focus
for memory on central ideas, and fix them in your mind, and avoid focusing on minor details
Organize
For memory, you do this for what u hear. chunking material into categories
Unite
For memory, the new with the old, relate new information to old information, or else it's harder to remember something
Repeat
For memory, you do this a lot to remember things like when you do flash cards
Evaluate
judging the message, like the speakers underlying intentions or motives, goes on without conscious awareness
Resist evaluation
Only do this when you fully understand the speaker's point of view, if you put a label on what the speaker is saying (ultraconservative, bleeding-heart liberal), you'll hear the remainder of the messages through these labels
Distinguish facts from opinions
and personal interpretations. During evaluation: must do this. Fix these labels in mind with the info. Example: You think Jessie did XYZ versus. Jessie did do XYZ
Identify biases
During evaluation, are also self-interests, or prejudices that may lead the speaker to slant unfairly what is said. OFten wise to ask if the material was presented fairly or if the person is slanted in some way
Recognize fallacious forms of "reasoning
During evaluating, like name-calling like applying a favorable or non favorable label to color your perception. Example"soft terrorism
Testimonial
avoid when evaluating, it's using postiviely or negatively viewed spokespersons to encourage your acceptance or rejection of something. Like the political commercials on TV. When Obama bashes Romney for spending to much money on the War on Terror. Or when
Band wagon
Avoid during evaluating, it's when someone is arguing that you should believe or do something because "everyone else does" Example: When someone likes the New England PAtriots because they are good and go to a ton of super bowls, and everyone else seems t
Responding
occurs in two phases: immediate feed back and delayed feedback
Immediate feedback
Part of responding, it's the responses you make while the speaker is talking. Example: When you nod or smile in response to someone you're interacting with face-to-face
Delayed Feedback
Part of responding, it's the responses one makes after the speaker has stopped talking. Example: commenting on a blog post, facebook post or someone on facebook who has poked you. Respnoses include empathy, are more elaborate. ask for clarification, Do yo
back-channeling
supportive, they acknowledge to the speaker that you are listening and understanding them. Example: when the listener says, "I see,","yes","uh-huh", important to face-to-face communication
Physical distractions
A listening barrier, hearing impairment, a noisy environment, or loud music. Multi-tasking like watching TV while being talked to with the intent of being supportive doesn't work
Mental distractions
thinking about your upcoming saturday night date or becoming to emotional to think (and listen) clearly.
Closed-mindedness
type of bias, a person who refuses to hear any feminist argument or anything about gay marriage. As a listener assume that wat the speaker is saying will be useful in some way.
Premature Judgment
Knowing what the speaker is going to say, so there is no real need to listen, let the speaker say what he or she was going to say before you decide that you already know it
Example: when a homophobic person listens to a gay speaker he will already assume
empathetic listening
the feeling of another's feelings, to feel with them. to see the world as they see it, to feel what they feel. will help you enhance your relationships
Objective listening
to go beyond empathy and measure meanings and feelings against some objective reality. Example: listen as peter tells you how the entire world hates him and to understand how peter feels and why he feels this way. But then you need to look beyond this, at
non judgmental listening
do this before critical listening, its when you listen with an open mind toward understanding while suspending judgment, will help you understand messages better
critical listening
do after non judgmental listening, it's when you listen with a view toward making some kind of a judgment or evaluation. it will help you analyze and evaluate messages better
surface listening
a literal reading of the words and sentences, it's when there is an obvious meaning. sometimes there is an opposite meaning like in Julius Caesar: barrying Caesar Marc Antony says, "For Brutus is an honorable man;/So are they all, all honourable men" we s
Do when listening politely
Avoid interrupting the speaker, give supportive listening cues, show empathy with speaker, maintain eye contact, and give positive feedback
Active Listening
Developed by Thomas Gordon, its the process of sending back to the speaker what you as a listener think the speaker meant, it's not merely repeating the speakers exact words, it's saying back what you think the speaker meant by what he said and you say th
Solution messages
Avoid this, messages that tell the person how he or she should feel or what he or she should do
Ordering messages
an example of a solution message, it's when one tells someone else to "Do this..." "Don't touch that...
Warning and threatening messages
example of a solution message, its when someone says to someone else "Uf you don't do this, you'll pay etc" or "If you do that, you will not be my friend anymore or be shunned etc
Preaching and moralizing messages
part of a solution message, like when Gma Martin says "People should all behave themselves" or "We all have responsibilitis...
Advising messages
Part of a solution message "Why don't you...?" or "I think you should...
three techniques of Active Listening
Paraphrase the speaker's meaning, express understanding of the speaker's feelings, and ask questions