interpersonal communication
involves 2 people
communication happens between people, yet many interactions don't involve us personally
sometimes we don't acknowledge others as people at all, but treat them as objects
ex. people who bag our groceries
Martin Buber
distinguished three levels of communication: I-It, I-You, and I-Thou
I-It communication
we do not acknowledge the humanity of other people or even affirm their existence
I-It communication (examples)
1. when an homeless person asks for money, some people look away
2. students on a large campus feel like just a face in a large crowd
I-You communication
people acknowledge one another as more than objects, but they don't fully engage each other as unique individuals
interaction is still guided by our roles as peers
I-You communication (examples)
1. you go shopping and a clerk says "can i help you" and you say "no I'm just looking"
2. relationship between teachers and students
I-Thou communication
each person affirms the other as cherished and unique
we see them as unique human beings whom we know and accept in their totality
interpersonal communication (Buber)
a selective, systemic process that allows people to reflect and build personal knowledge of one another and create shared meanings
selective interpersonal communication
we don't communicate intimately with the majority of people we encounter
most of our communication occurs on I-It or I-You levels
selective interpersonal communication (examples)
if we get a phone call from a pollster, we only respond to the questions and not engage the caller in any personal way
systemic interpersonal communication
communication takes place within various systems/contexts that influence what happens and the meanings we attribute to interaction
situation/time/people/culture can affect meanings
systemic interpersonal communication (examples)
Ian gives Mia a gold pendant saying "I wanna show how much I care about you"
His words mean different things in different contexts (such as if they've been dating for a few months or if they've been married for years)
noise
anything that distorts communication or interferes with people's understandings of one another
physiological noise
distraction caused by hunger, fatigue, headaches, medication and other factors that affect how we feel and think
physical noise
interference in our environments, such as noise made by others, bright lights, pop-up ads, extreme temps, etc
psychological noise
qualities in us that affect how we communicate and how we interpret others
psychological noise (examples)
if you are preoccupied with a problem, you may be inattentive at a meeting
semantic noise
exists when words themselves are not mutually understood
communication is a continuous process
communication evolves over time, becoming more personal as people interact
communication as a process (examples)
Ellen may mentor Craig when he starts working at her firm, but over time they may become equal colleagues
personal knowledge
as relationships with others deepen, we build trust and learn how to communicate in ways that make each other feel comfortable and safe
interpersonal communication has two levels of meaning
content meaning and relationship meaning
content meaning
deals with literal meaning
content meaning (examples)
if a parent says to a child "clean your room now", the content meaning is that the room must be cleaned ASAP
relationship meaning
what communication expresses about relationships between communicators
relationship meaning (examples)
the relationship meaning of "clean your room now" is that the parent has the right to order the child
saying "would you mind cleaning your room" reflects a more equal relationship
three dimensions of relationship-level meanings (Schultz)
responsiveness
affection
power/control
responsiveness (dimension of relationship-level meanings)
refers to how aware of others and involved with them we are
affection (dimension of relationship-level meanings)
concerns the degree of positive or negative feeling that is communicated
power/control (dimension of relationship-level meanings)
refers to the power balance between communicators
communication exists on a continuum
ranges from impersonal to interpersonal
model
representation of a phenomenon
linear model of interpersonal communication
depicted communication as a one-way process in which one person acts on another person
portrayed communication as flowing from a sender to a passive receiver
implies listeners never send back messages
interactive model of interpersonal communication
portrayed communication as a process in which listers give a response to a message
communicators create and interpret messages within personal fields of experience (more the fields overlap, the better they understand each other)
transactional model of interpersonal communication
emphasizes the dynamism of interpersonal communication and the multiple roles people assume during the process
doesn't label one person a sender and the other a receiver
why do we communicate?
need for affection
need for inclusion
need for control
physical needs given through communication
humans need to survive, and communication helps us meet this need
physical needs given through communication (examples)
babies cry to alert others when they are hungry or in pain/danger
safety needs given through communication
helps protect us from dangers and harm
safety needs given through communication (examples)
if there is a mice invasion of your apt, you must talk with your property manager
when foods are determined to be unsafe, the media informs the public
belonging needs given through communication
all of us what to feel that we fit in our work and social groups
self-esteem needs given through communication
involves valuing, respecting ourselves, being valued and respected by others
our self-esteem is shaped by how others communicate with us
self-actualization (Maslow)
fully developing and using our unique "talents, capacities, and potentialities
self-actualization needs given through communication
communication fosters our personal growth
we experiment with new versions of ourself
Principle 1 of IPC
we cannot not communicate
even if we are silent, we're communicating
Principle 2 of IPC
interpersonal communication is irreversible
Principle 2 of IPC (examples)
you've been in a heated argument in which you got angry and said something you later regretted
Principle 3 of IPC
interpersonal communication involves ethical choices
ethics
branch of philosophy that focuses on moral principles and codes of conduct
Principle 3 of IPC (examples)
should you not tell someone something that might make him less willing to do what you want?
Principle 4 of IPC
people construct meanings in interpersonal communication
interpretation of communication
differs between tone, culture, who said it, etc
Principle 5 of IPC
meta-communication affects meanings
can increase understanding and check on understanding
meta-communication
communication about communication
Principle 5 of IPC (examples)
during a conversation with Pat, you see that her body is tense, and you all "you seem stressed
Principle 6 of IPC
interpersonal communication develops and sustains relationships
allows us to re/construct individual and joint histories
Principle 7 of IPC
interpersonal communication is not a fix-all
although good communication may increase understanding and help solve problems, it will not fix everything
Principle 8 of IPC
interpersonal communication effectiveness can be learned
social media in everyday life
when we talk with ppl face to face, we are aware of their immediate physical context, which is not the case with online/digital interaction
went from "Dear, Hello" to "BRB, LOL
interpersonal communication competence
the ability to communicate effectively, appropriately and ethically
the more effectively you communicate...
the more likely you are to be competent in achieving your goals
five skills tied to competence in IPC
develop a range of skills
adapt communication appropriately
engage in dual perspective
monitor communication
commit to ethical communication
develop a range of skills
because of how being effective in communication varies, we need to have a broad repertoire of communication behaviors
adapt to communication appropriately
knowing how to be both assertive and deferential isn't useful unless we can figure out when each style of communication is appropriate
context is another influence on decisions of when/how/about what to communicate
person-centeredness
the ability to adapt messages effectively to particular people
engage in dual perspective
we may personally see things much differently, and we want to express our perceptions
we also need to understand and respect the other person's perspective
dual perspective
the understanding of both our own and another person's perspective, beliefs, thoughts, or feelings
monitoring your communication
the capacity to observe and regulate your own communication
monitoring your communication (examples)
before bringing up a touchy topic, you remind yourself not to get defensive and not to get pulled into counterproductive arguing
commit to ethical communication
invest energy in communicating ethically with others as unique humans both f2f and on social media
requires you to respect yourself, your ideas, and feelings
interpersonal communication
involves 2 people
communication happens between people, yet many interactions don't involve us personally
sometimes we don't acknowledge others as people at all, but treat them as objects
ex. people who bag our groceries
Martin Buber
distinguished three levels of communication: I-It, I-You, and I-Thou
I-It communication
we do not acknowledge the humanity of other people or even affirm their existence
I-It communication (examples)
1. when an homeless person asks for money, some people look away
2. students on a large campus feel like just a face in a large crowd
I-You communication
people acknowledge one another as more than objects, but they don't fully engage each other as unique individuals
interaction is still guided by our roles as peers
I-You communication (examples)
1. you go shopping and a clerk says "can i help you" and you say "no I'm just looking"
2. relationship between teachers and students
I-Thou communication
each person affirms the other as cherished and unique
we see them as unique human beings whom we know and accept in their totality
interpersonal communication (Buber)
a selective, systemic process that allows people to reflect and build personal knowledge of one another and create shared meanings
selective interpersonal communication
we don't communicate intimately with the majority of people we encounter
most of our communication occurs on I-It or I-You levels
selective interpersonal communication (examples)
if we get a phone call from a pollster, we only respond to the questions and not engage the caller in any personal way
systemic interpersonal communication
communication takes place within various systems/contexts that influence what happens and the meanings we attribute to interaction
situation/time/people/culture can affect meanings
systemic interpersonal communication (examples)
Ian gives Mia a gold pendant saying "I wanna show how much I care about you"
His words mean different things in different contexts (such as if they've been dating for a few months or if they've been married for years)
noise
anything that distorts communication or interferes with people's understandings of one another
physiological noise
distraction caused by hunger, fatigue, headaches, medication and other factors that affect how we feel and think
physical noise
interference in our environments, such as noise made by others, bright lights, pop-up ads, extreme temps, etc
psychological noise
qualities in us that affect how we communicate and how we interpret others
psychological noise (examples)
if you are preoccupied with a problem, you may be inattentive at a meeting
semantic noise
exists when words themselves are not mutually understood
communication is a continuous process
communication evolves over time, becoming more personal as people interact
communication as a process (examples)
Ellen may mentor Craig when he starts working at her firm, but over time they may become equal colleagues
personal knowledge
as relationships with others deepen, we build trust and learn how to communicate in ways that make each other feel comfortable and safe
interpersonal communication has two levels of meaning
content meaning and relationship meaning
content meaning
deals with literal meaning
content meaning (examples)
if a parent says to a child "clean your room now", the content meaning is that the room must be cleaned ASAP
relationship meaning
what communication expresses about relationships between communicators
relationship meaning (examples)
the relationship meaning of "clean your room now" is that the parent has the right to order the child
saying "would you mind cleaning your room" reflects a more equal relationship
three dimensions of relationship-level meanings (Schultz)
responsiveness
affection
power/control
responsiveness (dimension of relationship-level meanings)
refers to how aware of others and involved with them we are
affection (dimension of relationship-level meanings)
concerns the degree of positive or negative feeling that is communicated
power/control (dimension of relationship-level meanings)
refers to the power balance between communicators
communication exists on a continuum
ranges from impersonal to interpersonal
model
representation of a phenomenon
linear model of interpersonal communication
depicted communication as a one-way process in which one person acts on another person
portrayed communication as flowing from a sender to a passive receiver
implies listeners never send back messages
interactive model of interpersonal communication
portrayed communication as a process in which listers give a response to a message
communicators create and interpret messages within personal fields of experience (more the fields overlap, the better they understand each other)
transactional model of interpersonal communication
emphasizes the dynamism of interpersonal communication and the multiple roles people assume during the process
doesn't label one person a sender and the other a receiver
why do we communicate?
need for affection
need for inclusion
need for control
physical needs given through communication
humans need to survive, and communication helps us meet this need
physical needs given through communication (examples)
babies cry to alert others when they are hungry or in pain/danger
safety needs given through communication
helps protect us from dangers and harm
safety needs given through communication (examples)
if there is a mice invasion of your apt, you must talk with your property manager
when foods are determined to be unsafe, the media informs the public
belonging needs given through communication
all of us what to feel that we fit in our work and social groups
self-esteem needs given through communication
involves valuing, respecting ourselves, being valued and respected by others
our self-esteem is shaped by how others communicate with us
self-actualization (Maslow)
fully developing and using our unique "talents, capacities, and potentialities
self-actualization needs given through communication
communication fosters our personal growth
we experiment with new versions of ourself
Principle 1 of IPC
we cannot not communicate
even if we are silent, we're communicating
Principle 2 of IPC
interpersonal communication is irreversible
Principle 2 of IPC (examples)
you've been in a heated argument in which you got angry and said something you later regretted
Principle 3 of IPC
interpersonal communication involves ethical choices
ethics
branch of philosophy that focuses on moral principles and codes of conduct
Principle 3 of IPC (examples)
should you not tell someone something that might make him less willing to do what you want?
Principle 4 of IPC
people construct meanings in interpersonal communication
interpretation of communication
differs between tone, culture, who said it, etc
Principle 5 of IPC
meta-communication affects meanings
can increase understanding and check on understanding
meta-communication
communication about communication
Principle 5 of IPC (examples)
during a conversation with Pat, you see that her body is tense, and you all "you seem stressed
Principle 6 of IPC
interpersonal communication develops and sustains relationships
allows us to re/construct individual and joint histories
Principle 7 of IPC
interpersonal communication is not a fix-all
although good communication may increase understanding and help solve problems, it will not fix everything
Principle 8 of IPC
interpersonal communication effectiveness can be learned
social media in everyday life
when we talk with ppl face to face, we are aware of their immediate physical context, which is not the case with online/digital interaction
went from "Dear, Hello" to "BRB, LOL
interpersonal communication competence
the ability to communicate effectively, appropriately and ethically
the more effectively you communicate...
the more likely you are to be competent in achieving your goals
five skills tied to competence in IPC
develop a range of skills
adapt communication appropriately
engage in dual perspective
monitor communication
commit to ethical communication
develop a range of skills
because of how being effective in communication varies, we need to have a broad repertoire of communication behaviors
adapt to communication appropriately
knowing how to be both assertive and deferential isn't useful unless we can figure out when each style of communication is appropriate
context is another influence on decisions of when/how/about what to communicate
person-centeredness
the ability to adapt messages effectively to particular people
engage in dual perspective
we may personally see things much differently, and we want to express our perceptions
we also need to understand and respect the other person's perspective
dual perspective
the understanding of both our own and another person's perspective, beliefs, thoughts, or feelings
monitoring your communication
the capacity to observe and regulate your own communication
monitoring your communication (examples)
before bringing up a touchy topic, you remind yourself not to get defensive and not to get pulled into counterproductive arguing
commit to ethical communication
invest energy in communicating ethically with others as unique humans both f2f and on social media
requires you to respect yourself, your ideas, and feelings