Expansion
Expansion is the ability to open up and make room for emotions, sensations and feelings, and to let them come and go without letting them drag you down, push you around or hold you back. Expansion provides a powerful way to handle difficult emotions such
Engagement
Engagement is the ability to be 'psychologically present'; to live fully 'in the moment'; to be fully aware of what is happening right here, right now, instead of being caught up in your thoughts; to be open to, curious about and actively involved in your
Definition of
Success
Always sticking to your values
Definition of
Values
Things we want to stand for on an ongoing basis
Definition of
Goals
Things we want to achieve or accomplish
What are my values?
-Self-development / Skillfulness
-Adventure / Excitement
-Assertiveness/Freedom
-Contribution/Reciprocity
-Courage/Persistence
-Connection/Mindfulness
-Self-care/Self-awareness
-Fitness
Self-development/Skillfulness
to keep growing, advancing or improving in knowledge, skills, character, or life experience; to continually practice and improve my skills, and apply myself fully when using them
Adventure/Excitement
to be adventurous; to actively seek, create, or explore novel or stimulating Experiences; to seek, create and engage in activities that are exciting, stimulating or Thrilling
Assertiveness/Freedom
to respectfully stand up for my rights and request what I want; to live freely; to choose how I live and behave, or help others do likewise
Contribution/Reciprocity
to contribute, help, assist, or make a positive difference to myself or others; to build relationships in which there is a fair balance of giving and taking; collaboration!
Courage/Persistence
to be courageous or brave; to persist in the face of fear, threat, or difficulty; to continue resolutely, despite problems or difficulties
Connection/Mindfulness
to engage fully in whatever I am doing, and be fully present with others; to be conscious of, open to, and curious about my here-and-now experience
Self-care/Self-awareness
to look after my health and wellbeing, and get my needs met; to be aware of my own thoughts, feelings and actions
Fitness
to maintain or improve my fitness; to look after my physical and mental health and wellbeing
Six Lessons from Joe Simpson
1) When faced with a challenge, if we stay guided by our values, we will have a sense of meaning/purpose (giving up won't fell good; even worse than trying and failing)
2) We don't have to believe we can achieve a goal; we just have to take action
3) If w
5 Steps to Creating a Daring Adventure
1) Pick a domain of life (Love, Work, Play, Health)
2) Clarify values within this domain of life
3) Set
Goals
and
Objectives
4) Specific actions (
Steps
)
5) Get moving
The 5 Main causes of low self confidence
1) Excessive expectations
2) Harsh self-judgement
3) Preoccupied feelings of fear
4) Lack of experience
5) Lack of skills
How to treat low self-confidence
-Diffusion
-Engagement
-Expansion
-Values
How to ACT
-
A
ccept your thoughts and feelings
-
C
hoose a valued direction
-
T
ake action mindfully
F.E.A.R.
-
F
usion
-
E
xcessive Goals
-
A
voidance of discomfort
-
R
emoteness from values
Examples of
fusion
-Perfectionism
-Self-judgement
-Predicting the worst
-Rehashing old memories
-The "I can't do it" story
What story am I fusing with?
Excessive Goals
I can't do THIS until I have all of THAT
"Am I trying to do too much too soon?
What happens if you avoid feelings of discomfort?
You get stuck in... The Waiting Place (DUN-DUN-DUUUN)
What thoughts/feelings am I trying to avoid? What discomfort am I experiencing?
When stuck... how can VALUES help?
Ask yourself...
What values am I neglecting? What am I refraining from achieving?
D.A.R.E.
(How to get unstuck)
-
D
iffuse
-
A
cceptance of discomfort
-
R
ealistic goals
-
E
mbracing values
Steps to
Diffuse from Thoughts
1) Notice it
2) Name it
(thought, emotion, getting hooked)
3) Neutralize it
(leaves on stream, thoughts to song, etc.)
How to escape the comfort zone
EXPANSION
-make room for discomfort
-expand your comfort zone (aka the STUCK zone)
(experience the pain of growth instead of pain of inaction)
How to make realistic goals
-if excessive, break it down
(time = rearrange schedule; skill = start practicing; etc.)
OR
-scale it down to be more achievable
(caution: our minds like to say what we're incapable of)
When creating goals, ask yourself...
What's the smallest step I could take in the next 24 hours to get a little bit closer to my goal?
Defusion
Defusion is the ability to separate from your thoughts and to let them come and go, instead of getting caught up in them, or allowing them to dictate what you do. Defusion provides a powerful way to deal effectively with painful, unhelpful or self-defeati
Rule 1: The actions of confidence come first; the feelings of confidence come later.
The concept of confidence is defined as "an act of trust or reliance" (trusting and relying on one's abilities and competencies), rather than viewing confidence as "having a feeling of absolute certainty or assurance." This is a better approach, because i
Rule 2: Genuine confidence is not the absence of fear; it is a transformed relationship with fear.
People believe many myths about fear, such as: fear is a sign of weakness; fear is the enemy; fear holds you back; confidence is the absence of fear. But the truth is that when anyone steps out of their comfort zone, takes a risk, or faces a challenge, th
Rule 3: Negative thoughts are normal. Don't fight them; defuse them.
Dealing with negative thoughts can be annoying, but the fact that we have them is actually a good thing! It's a sign that our brains are working: trying to anticipate what could hurt us or harm us, trying to predict what might go wrong, etc. If your mind
Rule 4: Self-acceptance trumps self-esteem.
Having high self-esteem means evaluating oneself positively. The trouble is that it gets hard to do this when one is not successful, or when one makes mistakes. On the other hand, self-acceptance means accepting oneself in spite of deficiencies. It involv
Rule 5: Hold your values lightly, but pursue them vigorously.
Values are one's guiding principles of behavior, according to what is important to them in life. Harris likens values to a compass: they give us direction, guide our journey, and help us stay on track. (Goals are what we want to achieve along the way). Ex
Rule 6: True success is living by your values.
This means using one's values to set goals, and to sustain movement toward set goals. You don't have to wait until you achieve a goal in order be successful; you can be successful right now through living by your values. Maybe a goal of yours is to become
Rule 7: Don't obsess about the outcome; get passionate about the process.
Process is the way you go about doing something, whereas outcome is the result of what you've done. The idea here is not to give up on your goal(s), but to shift the emphasis to engaging fully in the process, and embracing it as an opportunity for learnin
Rule 8: Don't fight your fear: allow it, befriend it, and channel it.
Russ Harris Speaks of using "The ABC of Fear-Whispering" for dealing with fear (A=allow, B=befriend, C=channel). Trying to fight against or avoid an emotion oftentimes just makes the unpleasant emotion stronger. So, instead of fighting your experience of
Rule 9: Failure hurts - but if you're willing to learn, it's a wonderful teacher.
In the words of John Dewey (American philosopher): "Failure is instructive. The person who really thinks learns quite as much from his failures as from his successes." Just like fear, failure is a fact of life. It's also a natural part of learning; we ref
Rule 10: The key to peak performance is total engagement in the task.
Peak performance requires practice, defusing from reasons not to do it, making room for discomfort or fear, and fully engaging in the process. The key to peak performance is having focused attention on the task at hand. This requires mindfulness: defusing