Chapter 10: Interpersonal Communication in Romantic Relationships and Family Relationships

Intimacy

significant emotional closeness experienced in a relationship, whether romantic or not

Common characteristics of Intimate relationships (4)

1. They require deep commitment
2. They foster interdependence
3. They require continuous investment
4. They spark dialectical tensions

Committment

A desire to stay in a relationship

Interdependence

A state in which each person's behaviors affect everyone else in the relationship

Investment

The resources we put in our relationships

Dialectic tensions

Conflicts between two important but opposing needs or desires

Three Common Dialectic Tensions

Autonomy vs. Connection
Openness vs. Closedness
Predictability vs. Novelty

Strategies for managing dialectic tensions

#NAME?

Denial

respond to one side and ignore other

Disorientation

ending the relationship to escape tension

Alternation

going back and forth between the 2 tensions

Segmentation

dealing with one side of tension in some aspects and the other side in different aspects

Balance

try to compromise between 2 tensions

Integration

try to develop behaviors that satisfy both sides of a tension

Recalibration

reframing a tension so it doesn't appear as an opposing tension

Reaffirmation

embracing that tensions are normal

Characteristics of Romantic Relationships

1. Exclusivity
2. Voluntariness
3. Love
4. Sexuality
5. Permanence

Steps to Forming a Romantic Relationship

1. Initiating
2. Experimenting
3. Intensifying
4. Integrating
5. Bonding

Initiating stage

People meet and interact for the first time

Experimenting

Individuals have conversations to learn more about each other

Intensifying

Individuals move from being acquaintances to being close friends

Integrating

A deep commitment has formed, and there is a strong sense that the relationship has its own identity

Bonding

Partners publicly announce their commitment

Marital schema

Represent cognitive models for what a marriage is and should be

Differing Relational Types (3)

1. Traditional
2. Separate
3. Independent

Traditional couples

Gender typical divisions of labor. When conflict arises, they engage in it instead of avoiding it

Separate couples

Spouses are autonomous rather than interdependent. They have their own interests and social networks, and they think of themselves as separate individuals instead of a couple. They do not engage in conflict

Independent couples

See themselves as being independent of social expectations of marriage. Don't believe in conventional gender roles or divisions of labor. They engage in conflicts

Mixed couples

Couples that do not agree on the marital schema that their marriage has (traditional, separate, or independent)

Characteristics of Interpersonal Communication in Romantic Relationships

1. Vary in how they handle conflict
2. Vary in how they handle privacy
3. Vary in how they handle emotional communication
4. Vary in how they handle instrumental communication

Four Types of Couples in How They Handle Conflict

1. Validating
2. Volatile
3. Conflict-avoiding
4. Hostile

Validating couples

Talk about disagreements openly and cooperatively

Volatile couples

Talk about their disagreements openly, but in a way that is competitive instead of cooperative

Conflict-avoiding couples

Deal with their disagreements indirectly by focusing on their similarities

Hostile couples

experience frequent and intense conflicts with personal attacks and negative emotional displays

Communication Privacy Management Theory

Explains how people manage the tension between privacy and disclosure
Couples jointly own information

Stages of ending a relationship

1. Differentiating
2. Circumscribing
3. Stagnating
4. Avoiding
5. Terminating

Differentiating

Finding differences with one's partner to be unpleasant and annoying

Circumscribing

Decreasing the quality and quantity of communication with the partner

Stagnating

Going through the motions" of a relationship that is no longer satisfying

Avoiding

Creating physical and emotional separation from the partner

Terminating

Formally ending the relationship

What makes a family

Genetic Ties
Legal Obligations
Role Behaviors

4 Characteristics of Families

1. Influenced by environment
2. Members are interdependent
3. More than the sum of their parts
4. Include smaller subsystems

Study Model of Communication Pattern

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Types of families (4)

1. Family of origin
2. Family of procreation
3. Nuclear family
4. Blended family

Family of origin

The family in which one grows up in

Family of procreation

The family one starts as an adult

Nuclear family

Married man and married woman with children

Blended family

Two adult partners raising children who are biologically not the offspring of both partners

Communication Issues in Family

Family roles
Family rituals
Family stories
Family secrets

Virginia Satir's 4 Common Family Roles During Conflict

1. The Blamer
2. The Placater
3. The Computer
4. The Distracter

Communication Climate

The emotional tone of a relationship

Confirming messages

Behaviors that indicate how much we value another person

Types of confirming messages

1. Recognition
2. Acknowledgement
3. Endorsement

Recognition

Recognizing the other person exists and is worthy or your attention

Acknowledgement

Acknowledging another person's feelings and thoughts

Endorsement

Signal that you agree with what the other person has said

Disconfirming messages

Behaviors that imply a lack of regard for another person

Types of disconfirming messages

1. Impervious response
2. Verbal abuse
3. Generalized complaining
4. Irrelevant response
5. Impersonal response

Impervious response

Ignoring the person altogether

Verbal abuse

Using words to hurt someone emotionally and psychologically

Generalized complaining

Complaints about the person that indict his or her value or character

Irrelevant response

Replying to someone's message with a completely unrelated statement

Impersonal response

A cliche that shows no real empathy
"Sometimes bad things happen to good people.

Read pages 341-344

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Laissez-Faire Family Communication

Low conformity orientation and low conversation orientation

Pluralistic Family Communication

Low conformity orientation and high communication orientation

Protective Family Communication

High conformity orientation and low conversation orientation

Consensual Family Communication

High conversation orientation and high conformity orientation