Intimacy
significant emotional closeness experienced in a relationship, whether romantic or not
Common characteristics of Intimate relationships (4)
1. They require deep commitment
2. They foster interdependence
3. They require continuous investment
4. They spark dialectical tensions
Committment
A desire to stay in a relationship
Interdependence
A state in which each person's behaviors affect everyone else in the relationship
Investment
The resources we put in our relationships
Dialectic tensions
Conflicts between two important but opposing needs or desires
Three Common Dialectic Tensions
Autonomy vs. Connection
Openness vs. Closedness
Predictability vs. Novelty
Strategies for managing dialectic tensions
#NAME?
Denial
respond to one side and ignore other
Disorientation
ending the relationship to escape tension
Alternation
going back and forth between the 2 tensions
Segmentation
dealing with one side of tension in some aspects and the other side in different aspects
Balance
try to compromise between 2 tensions
Integration
try to develop behaviors that satisfy both sides of a tension
Recalibration
reframing a tension so it doesn't appear as an opposing tension
Reaffirmation
embracing that tensions are normal
Characteristics of Romantic Relationships
1. Exclusivity
2. Voluntariness
3. Love
4. Sexuality
5. Permanence
Steps to Forming a Romantic Relationship
1. Initiating
2. Experimenting
3. Intensifying
4. Integrating
5. Bonding
Initiating stage
People meet and interact for the first time
Experimenting
Individuals have conversations to learn more about each other
Intensifying
Individuals move from being acquaintances to being close friends
Integrating
A deep commitment has formed, and there is a strong sense that the relationship has its own identity
Bonding
Partners publicly announce their commitment
Marital schema
Represent cognitive models for what a marriage is and should be
Differing Relational Types (3)
1. Traditional
2. Separate
3. Independent
Traditional couples
Gender typical divisions of labor. When conflict arises, they engage in it instead of avoiding it
Separate couples
Spouses are autonomous rather than interdependent. They have their own interests and social networks, and they think of themselves as separate individuals instead of a couple. They do not engage in conflict
Independent couples
See themselves as being independent of social expectations of marriage. Don't believe in conventional gender roles or divisions of labor. They engage in conflicts
Mixed couples
Couples that do not agree on the marital schema that their marriage has (traditional, separate, or independent)
Characteristics of Interpersonal Communication in Romantic Relationships
1. Vary in how they handle conflict
2. Vary in how they handle privacy
3. Vary in how they handle emotional communication
4. Vary in how they handle instrumental communication
Four Types of Couples in How They Handle Conflict
1. Validating
2. Volatile
3. Conflict-avoiding
4. Hostile
Validating couples
Talk about disagreements openly and cooperatively
Volatile couples
Talk about their disagreements openly, but in a way that is competitive instead of cooperative
Conflict-avoiding couples
Deal with their disagreements indirectly by focusing on their similarities
Hostile couples
experience frequent and intense conflicts with personal attacks and negative emotional displays
Communication Privacy Management Theory
Explains how people manage the tension between privacy and disclosure
Couples jointly own information
Stages of ending a relationship
1. Differentiating
2. Circumscribing
3. Stagnating
4. Avoiding
5. Terminating
Differentiating
Finding differences with one's partner to be unpleasant and annoying
Circumscribing
Decreasing the quality and quantity of communication with the partner
Stagnating
Going through the motions" of a relationship that is no longer satisfying
Avoiding
Creating physical and emotional separation from the partner
Terminating
Formally ending the relationship
What makes a family
Genetic Ties
Legal Obligations
Role Behaviors
4 Characteristics of Families
1. Influenced by environment
2. Members are interdependent
3. More than the sum of their parts
4. Include smaller subsystems
Study Model of Communication Pattern
...
Types of families (4)
1. Family of origin
2. Family of procreation
3. Nuclear family
4. Blended family
Family of origin
The family in which one grows up in
Family of procreation
The family one starts as an adult
Nuclear family
Married man and married woman with children
Blended family
Two adult partners raising children who are biologically not the offspring of both partners
Communication Issues in Family
Family roles
Family rituals
Family stories
Family secrets
Virginia Satir's 4 Common Family Roles During Conflict
1. The Blamer
2. The Placater
3. The Computer
4. The Distracter
Communication Climate
The emotional tone of a relationship
Confirming messages
Behaviors that indicate how much we value another person
Types of confirming messages
1. Recognition
2. Acknowledgement
3. Endorsement
Recognition
Recognizing the other person exists and is worthy or your attention
Acknowledgement
Acknowledging another person's feelings and thoughts
Endorsement
Signal that you agree with what the other person has said
Disconfirming messages
Behaviors that imply a lack of regard for another person
Types of disconfirming messages
1. Impervious response
2. Verbal abuse
3. Generalized complaining
4. Irrelevant response
5. Impersonal response
Impervious response
Ignoring the person altogether
Verbal abuse
Using words to hurt someone emotionally and psychologically
Generalized complaining
Complaints about the person that indict his or her value or character
Irrelevant response
Replying to someone's message with a completely unrelated statement
Impersonal response
A cliche that shows no real empathy
"Sometimes bad things happen to good people.
Read pages 341-344
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Laissez-Faire Family Communication
Low conformity orientation and low conversation orientation
Pluralistic Family Communication
Low conformity orientation and high communication orientation
Protective Family Communication
High conformity orientation and low conversation orientation
Consensual Family Communication
High conversation orientation and high conformity orientation