the process of receiving, understanding, remembering, evaluating, and responding to verbal and/or nonverbal messages
listening
What are the five stages of listening?
1) receiving
2) understanding
3) remembering
4) evaluating
5) responding to verbal and/or nonverbal messages
the five stages of listening are ____
simultaneous
What are the two messages you receive in the "receiving" stage of listening?
nonverbal and verbal
What are 3 suggestions to help receive messages more effectively?
1. Focus attention on the speaker's messages (verbal and nonverbal) rather than how you will respond.
2. Avoid distractions.
3. Maintain your role as listener and avoid interrupting.
the stage of listening when you learn what the speaker means or when the meaning you get is essentially the same as what the speaker sent
understanding
What are the two parts of understanding?
the thoughts that are expressed
the emotional tone that accompanies them
What are the 4 suggestions for improving understanding?
1. See the speaker's messages from the speaker's point of view.
2. Avoid assuming you understand.
3. Rephrase/Paraphrase the speaker's ideas in your own words.
4. Ask questions for clarification.
What are suggestions for communicating with people with hearing disabilities?
Avoid interference
Speak at a good volume
Phrase ideas
Avoid overlapping speech
Use nonverbal cues
What are suggestions for listening in the classroom?
Prepare yourself to listen
Avoid distractions
Pay attention to intro
Take notes in outline form
Assume relevance
The most important point to understand about memory is that what you ___ is not what was said but what you remember was ____.
remember
said
In order to remember something, the information needs to pass from ___ to ___.
Short-term memory
long-term memory
____ memory is very limited in capacity.
short-term
____ memory is unlimited.
long-term
What are the four suggestions for best facilitating a passage of info from short- to long-term memory?
Focus your attention on the central ideas.
Organize what you hear.
Unite the new with the old.
Repeat names and key concepts to yourself aloud.
the part of listening that consists of judging messages in some way
evaluating
When evaluating, what 4 suggestions should you follow?
1. Resist evaluation until you fully understand the speaker's point of view
2. Distinguish factors from opinions.
3. Identify any biases.
4. Recognize some of the popular but fallacious forms of "reasoning (such as name-calling, testimonial, and bandwagon
What two forms does responding occur in?
1) Responses you make while the speaker is talking
2) Responses you make after the speaker has stopped talking
How should responses made while a speaker is talking be?
Supportive and should acknowledge that you're listening
messages (words and gestures) that let the speaker know you're paying attention (as when you nod in agreement or say "I see" or "uh-huh")
backchanneling cues
What are some examples responses after a speaker has stopped talking?
empathy
requests for clarification
challenges
agreement
You can improve your responding skills by following what 5 advices?
1. Support the speaker.
2. Own your responses.
3. Resist "responding to another's feelings" with "solving the person's problems"
4. Focus on the other person.
5. Avoid being a though-completing listener.
at the ___ stage, you note not only what is said (verbally and nonverbaly) but also what is omitted
receiving
at the ___ stage, you learn what the speaker means, the stage at which you grasp both the thoughts and the emotions expressed
understanding
____ consists of judging the messages in some way
evaluating
___ occurs in two phases: responses you make while the speaker is talking and responses you make after the speaker has stopped talking
responding
What are some listening barriers?
Premature Judgement
Lack of Appropriate Focus
Biases and Prejudices
Distractions
in biased and prejudiced listening, you hear what the speaker is saying through ____
stereotypes
As a listener, how can you stay focused?
Repeat the idea to yourself and see the details in relation to the main concept
See other perspectives
Don't get hung up on unimportant details
Have something to say? Make a mental note and get back to it
What is the most obvious form of premature judgement in communication?
Assuming you know what the speaker is going to say
Listen first, ___ second
judge
As a speaker, what can help to keep the listener from drawing conclusions and not listening to what you have to say?
Hear me out"/ask for a suspension of judgement
Make clear that what you're saying will be unexpected
listening is ___
situational
What 2 bases must you adjust your listening?
1) your purposes
2) your knowledge of and relationship to the other person
What are the five dimensions of listening?
empathic-objective
nonjudgemental-critical
surface-deep
polite-impolite
active-inactive
to feel with a person, to see the world as they see it, to feel what they feel
empathize
If you're going to understand what a person means and what a person is feeling, you need to listen with some of degree of ____.
empathy
Only when you achieve ___ can you fully understand another person's meaning.
empathy
Sometimes you have to put your empathic responses aside and listen with ___ and ___.
objectivity and detachment
What are some recommendations for empathic and objective listening?
See from the speaker's point of view
Engage in equal, two-way conversation
Seek to understand both thoughts and feelings
Avoid "offensive listening"
Strive to be objective when listening to friends or foes
the tendency to listen to bits and pieces of information that will enable you to attack the speaker or find fault with something the speaker has said
offensive listening
when you fail to hear what the speaker is really saying and instead hear what you expect
expectancy hearing
What two responses does effective listening include?
nonjudgemental and critical repsonses
to listen with an open mind and with a view toward understanding
listening nonjudgementally
to listen with a view toward making some kind of evaluation or judgement; to think logically and dispassionately
to listen critically
When should you judge what someone has said?
after you've fully understood the relevant messages
What should you supplement nonjudgemental listening with?
critical listening
Listening with an open mind will help you ____ the messages better;
listening with a critical mind will help you ___ the messages
understand
analyze and evaluate
In adjusting your nonjudgemental and critical listening, focus on what 5 guidelines?
1. Keep an open mind
2. Avoid filtering out or oversimplifying complex messages
3. Recognize your own biases
4. Combat the tendency to sharpen
5. Avoid uncritical listening
to highlight, emphasize, and embellish one or two aspects of a message
to sharpen
Your date said "Thank you I had a great time." You feel like it was a big success, despite the awkward silences and lack of eye contact throughout the date.
You are sharpening his message, and ignoring the other signs.
language used to serve less than noble purposes, to convince or persuade you without giving you any reasons and sometimes to fool you
fallacies of language
words whose meanings are slippery and difficult to pin down (eg. "virtually", "as much as", "like", "help")
weasel words
making the negative and unpleasant appear positive and appealing
euphemisms
the specialized language of a professional class, which may be used to intimidate or impress people who aren't members of the profession
jargon
overly complex language that overwhelms the listener instead of communicating meaning
gobbledygook
A child talks about the unfairness of the other children on the playground. What is the purpose of this message?
to seek comfort and love
only understanding the literal meaning of a message
surface-level communication
to appreciate other meanings in a message
depth listening
What happens in surface-level communication?
you miss the opportunity to make meaningful contact with the other person's feelings and needs
In regulating someone's call for understanding and appreciation, what 4 guidelines should you follow?
1. Focus on both verbal and nonverbal messages
2. Listen for both content and relational message
3. Make special note of statements that refer back to the speaker
4. Don't disregard the literal meaning of interpersonal messages
What are 5 polite listening strategies?
1. Avoid interrupting the speaker.
2. Give supportive listening cues. (eg. nodding your head, "I see")
3. Show empathy with the speaker. (echoing feelings, smiling, cringing)
4. Maintain eye contact.
5. Give positive feedback.
If you must disagree, how should you do it?
First mention areas of agreement or what you liked about what they said and stress your good intentions. Do it in private.
How can you avoid "forced listening
be sensitive when the other person wants to leave and to stop asking the person to continue listening
What is a very common form of listening when someone is hurting?
when someone tries to lessen the significance of the situation
What are two forms of inactive listening?
lessening the significance of the situation
putting a positive spin on a usually negative situation
What is wrong with inactive listening?
It suggests that the speaker should not be feeling they way they do. They're implying that their feelings are not legitimate and should be replaced with more logical feelings.
the process of sending back to the speaker what you as a listener think the speaker meant-- both in content and in feelings
active listening
What are you doing in active listening?
You are putting together into some meaningful whole your understanding of the speaker's total message
What are the important functions of active listening?
1. Enables you to check your understanding/offers an opportunity for clarification
2. You let the speaker know that you acknowledge and accept his or her feelings
3. Stimulates the speaker to explore his or her feelings and thoughts
messages that tell the person how he or she should feel or what he or she should do
solution messages
What are the four types of messages that send solutions that you should avoid using?
1. Ordering messages (do his, don't touch that)
2. Warning and threatening messages (if you don't do this)
3. Preaching and moralizing messages (people should all)
4. Advising messages (why don't you)
What are three techniques that may help you succeed in active listening?
1. Paraphrase the speaker's meaning.
2. Express understanding of the speaker's feelings.
3. Ask questions.
Why are people's communication and meaning systems different?
each person has had a unique set of experiences
What are some differences that can effect speaker and listener?
gender and culture
What parts of language can culture affect?
language and speech, direct and indirect styles, nonverbal differences, and feedback
a unique variation of the language
idiolect
True or false, no two speakers speak exactly the same language.
TRUE
Speakers of the same language will, at the very least, have different meanings for the same terms because they have had different ____.
experiences
___ are never precise and never fully capture the meaning in the other language
translations
say what you mean and mean what you say
direct speech
emphasize politeness and maintaing a positive public image rather than literal truth
indirect speech
The ___ accent acts as a filter and influences the accent given to the second language.
native
Can accents be stereotyped?
Yes
cultural rules that govern which nonverbal behaviors are appropriate and which are inappropriate in a public setting
display rules
In conversation, what do women seek?
To build rapport and establish closer relationships and use listening to achieve these ends. They will play down their expertise and are more interested in talking about feelings and relationships and in communicating supportiveness.
How do men act in conversation?
They will play up their expertise, emphasize it, and use it in dominating the interaction. They will talk about things. Wants to be given respect, so he seeks to show his knowledge and expertise.
What is a woman's goal in conversation?
to be liked, so she expresses agreement; are more interested in talking about feelings and relationships
What is a man's goal in conversation?
seeks to show his knowledge and expertise
How does a woman show that she's listening?
More apt to give lots of listening cues "Yeah" "uh-huh", modding in agreement, and smiling. Makes more eye contact. Women seem to be more engaged.
How does a man show that she's listening?
Usually listens quietly, without giving lots of listening cues as feedback. More likely to look around and often away from the speaker.
Tannen argues that men listen less to ___ than women listen to ___.
women
men
Tannen says that speaking places a person in a ____ position while listening places them in a ____ position.
superior
inferior