Turning points
-significant relationship events that have important consequences for the individuals and the relationship and may turn its direct or trajectory
Contact stage
-some sort of perceptual contact, then interactinal contact
-superficial and relatively impersonal
-physical appearance is important and nonverbals
Involvement stage
-a sense of mutuality, or being connected develops
-experiemtn and try to learn more about the other person
-"test" your partner
Intimacy stage
-commit youself stil further to the other person and establish a relationship in which this individual becomes your best or closest friend, lover, or companion
-first, interpersonal commitment is made, the it is made public through social bonding
Relationships deterioration
-characterized by a weakening of the bonds between the friends or lovers
-intrapersonal dissatisfaction moves on to interpersonal deterioration
Relationship repair
-optional stage- not always pursued
-first, intrapersonal repait in analyzing what went wrong and considering ways to solve the difficulties
-then interpersonal repair in which you talk to the person about the relationship and potentially fixing it
Dissolution stage
-the bonds between the individuals are broken
-the two begin to see themselves as two separate individuals again instead of half of a whole
-first interpersonal separation, then public separation
Attraction theory
-holds that people form relationships on the basis of attraction
-five major factors: similarity, proximity, reinforcement, physical attractiveness and personality, and SES/ educational status
Principles of attraction theory
-similarity principle
-complementary principle
-proximity is the most important things in the beginning stages of a relationship
-reinforcement- attracted to those who give you rewards
-physical attractiveness and personality- greater semse of familiarity
Relationship Rules theory
-relationships (firndships and love in particular) are held together by adherence to certain rules
Facets of Rules Theory
-friendship rules- sharing things, standing up for the person, emotional support, etc.
-romantic rules- acknowledge individual identities, enhance self-esteem, be loyal, share time
-family rules- where your place is in the family, what is ok to talk about
Relationship Dialectics Theory
-argues that people in a relationship experinece dynamic tensions between pairs of opposing motives or desires
-we are each unique creations
-"I" language vs. "we" language
Facets of Relationship Dialectics theory
-closedness and openness
-autonomy and connection
-novelty and predictability
-options are to accept the imbalance, exit the relationship, or rebalance your life
Social Penetration Theory
-deals with what happns when relationships do develop
-describes relationships in terms of the number of topics that people talk about and the degree of personalness of those topics
-in seterioration, there is depenetration
Social Exchange Theory
-claims that you develop relationships that will enable you to maximize your profits
-rewards - costs = profits
-no guaruntee of reciprocity
-COMPARISON LEVEL- a general idea of the kinds of rewards and profits you feel you should get from a particular re
Equity theory
-uses the idea of social exchange, but goes farther
-claims that you develop and maintain relationships in which the ratio of your rewards relative to your costs is approximately equal to your partner's ratio
-issues with over- and underbenefiting
-depend
Relationship License
-a license to violate some relationship expectation, custom, or rule
-becomes broader as the relationship develops
-negotiate the licenses you want without giving up the privacy
Relationship maintainence
-behaviors that seve to continue (maintain, retain) your relationship
-keep the relationship inact, keep it at its present stage, and to kep the relationship satisfying
Facets relationship deterioration
-withdrawal (nonverbally and verbally)
-decline in self-disclosure
-deception
-positive and negative messages
Cherishing behaviors
-small gesture you enjoy receiving from your partner
-should be specific and positive, focused on the present and future, capable of being performed daily, and easily executable
Friendship
-an interpersonl relationship between two independent persons that is mutually productive and characerized by mutual positive regard
-three major chracteristics: turst, emotional support, and sharing of interests
Freindship of reciprocity
-ideal type of friendship
-characterized by loyalty, self-sacrifice, mutual affection, and generosity
Friendship fo receptivity
-one person is the primary giver and the other is the primary receiver
Friendship of association
-transitory relationship; friendly
-the kind we often have with classmates, coworkers
-no great loyalty, trust, or giving/receiving
Frindship needs
-utility
-affirmation
-ego support
-stimulation
-security
Network convergence
-a relationship between two people develops and they begin to share their network of other communciators with each other
Love
-a feeling characterized by closeness, caring, intimacy, passion, and commitment
Different Types of Love
-eros (beauty and sexuality)
-ludus (entertainment and excitement)
-storge (peaceful and slow)
-pragma (practical and traditional)
-mania (elation and depression)
-agape (compassionate and selfless)
Primary relationship
-denotes a relationship between two princple parties (lovers, husband and wife, etc.)
Mentoring
-an experineced individual helps train someone who is less experienced
-empowering the novice, giving them the tools to be at the level of the master
Networking
-a process of using other people to help you solve your problems, or at least offer insights that bear on your problem
-often viewed as just a part of geting a job, but not so
Relationship violence
-three types: verbal or emtional, physical, and sexual abuse
Verbal or emtional abuse
-humiliation, economic abuse, criticism, stalking
-usually escalates to physical abuse
Physical Abuse
-includes threats of violence, pushing, hitting, slapping, kicking, choking, throwing things, and breaking things
Sexual Abuse
-touching that is unwanted, accusations of sexual infidelity without reason, forced sex, and references to you in abusive sexual terms
Interpersonal conflict
-disagreement between or among connected individuals who perceive their goals as incompatible
-close friends, colleagues, family members, lovers
Conflict styles
-competing (I win, you lose)
-avioding (I lose, you lose)
-accommodating (I lose, you win)
-collaborating (I win, you win)
-compromising (I win and lose, you win and lose)
-which one is chosen depends upon the emotional state, foals to be achieved, cognit
Gunnysacking
-the practice of storing up grievances so they may be unloaded at another time
Nonnegotiation
-a special type of avoidance
-refuse to direct any attention to managing the conflict or to listen ot the other person's argument
Silencers
-conflict techniques that literally silence the other individual
-a frequently used one is crying
Beltlining
-a destructive face-detracting strategy
-everyone has their own "beltline" under which the blow is extremely painful and damaging
Blame
-face-detracting strategy
-instead of focusing on the solution to a problem, some members try to affix blame on the other person
Verbal agressiveness
-an unproductive conflict strategy in which one person tries to win an argument by inflicting psychological pain, by attacking the other person's self-concept
Argumentativeness
-a quality to be cultivate rather than avoided
-it is you willingness to argue for a point of view, your tendency to speak your mind on significant issues
Power
-the ability of one person to influence what another person think or does
-you have power over someone to the extent that you can influence them
Referent power
-you make others wish to be like you or to be identified with you- more likely to easily gain compliance from that individual
Legitimate power
-if others believe you have the right, by virtue of your position, to influence or control their behavior
-teachers have this
Expert power
-when you are seen as having expertise or knowledge
-usually subject specific
Information or persuasion power
-when others see you as having the ability to communicate logically and persuasively
Reward Power
-if you can give others some sort of reward, you have power over them to the extent that they want that reward
-can be physical or emotional
Coercive power
-when you have the ability to administer punishments or remove rewards if other fail to yield to your influence
-depends upon magnitude of punishment and likelihood the punishment will actually be given
Power in the Person: 3 C's
-competence
-character
-charisma
Direct requests
-most common strategy used by both men and women
-pretty much what it sounds like
Bargaining or Promising
-you agree to do something if the other person does something
Ingratiation
-actign especially kindly and sucking up to the other person so that you eventaully get wgat you want
Manipulation
-you make the person feel guilty or jealous enough to give you what you want
Threatening
-you warn the other person that unpleasant things will happen if you don't get what you want
Compliance-gaining strategies
-tactics aimed at influencing others to do what the user of the strategy wants them to do
-always involve an attack on negative face
Negotiation
-you attempt to accomodate each other or to compromise in some way
Nonnegotation
-you resist compliance wihtout any attempt to comprpmise
-simply state refusal without qualification
Identity management
-resist by trying to manipulate the image of the person making the request
-negative management- portray the person as unfair
-positive management- mak the other person feel good about himself
Sexual harrassment
-unwelcome sexual advances
-take 2 basic froms: quid pro quo (sexual favors- something for something) and the creation of a hostile environment
Power plays
-patterns of behavior that are used repeatedly by one person to take unfair advantage of another person
-opening someone's mail, etc.
Principle of less interest
-the one who holds the power in a relationship is the one who is less interested in and dependent on the rewards and punishments controlled by the other person