relational maintenance
efforts to keep a relationship at a desired level of satisfaction or closeness
four definitions of relational maintenance
1. involves keeping a relationship existence2.involves keeping a relationship in a specified state or condition or at a stable level of intimacy, status quo is maintained3. involve keeping a relationship in satisfactory condition4. involves keeping a relationship in repair Dindia and Canary
maintenance behaviors can be catergorized into three distinctions
1. how pro-social or anti-social they are2. their channel or modality3. whether they are employed strategically or routinely
five primary strategies of prosocial maintenance behavior
1. postivity2. openness3. assurances 4. social networking5. task sharing
pro social maintenance
promotes closeness, trust and likingvery postitiveincrease relationship satisfactionexample: sharing tasks, movies, chores emotional support
relational satisfaction
pleasure or enjoyment people get from relationshipspositivity, social networking, assurances have strong associations to R.S. people reported being the most satisfied in their relationships when their partners used higher levels of positivity and assurances then they expected them to use
anti social maintenance
maybe negative tend not to increase (possibly decrease) our relational satisfactionbehaviors can be controlling, manipulative and include ultimatums, threats and becoming distant use avoidance as a maintenance strategy example: you might avoid a friend that has a crush on you by putting distance between y'all
jealousy induction
designed t alter the partner's feelings or keep the partner in the relationshipexample: jealousy might spark feelings of love and possessiveness, making a partner more likely to stay in the relationshipanti-social behaviors are jealousy induction, spying, infidelity, and destructive conflict can back fire and leading to more problems or to breakup rather than relational maintenance
modality
refers to the channel of communicationexample: is a message sent by words, facial expression, voice tone, computer or letter?
Results of Rabby
openness and positivity were the most used maintenance behaviors in these relationships four types of relationships 1. virtual relationship- terms of partners having communicated only online2. pinocchio relationship- occur when partners first meet online but then start meeting in person, they become "real"3. cyber emigrant relationships- partners first meet in person but then start communicating in primarily online 4. finally, communication in real-world relationships starts and continues primarily in face-to-face contexts rabby's study showed people in the virtual only group reported using the least maintenance behavior.were also highly committed to their partner, they used just as much relational maintenance as did people in three other groupsthis suggests maintenance behavior is more strongly related to commitment than modality
strategic maintenance behavior
intentionally designed to maintain a relationshipexample: if u have a arguement with BFF, you might call them with the intent of apologizing and repair the situation
routine maintenance behavior
are less strategic and deliberate are used without the express purpose of maintaining the relationship, yet they still help people preserve their bonds with one anotherexample: roommates might share responsbilities as routine or habit duck- argued routine talk is more important than stragetic behavior for maintaining relationships
Same sex Vs. Cross Sex
same sex friendshipsthree maintenances behaviors1. openness2. supportiveness3. positivitytalks vs. doingfemale and malesfemales tend to "talk" more while men tend to "do"as women like talking and hanging out with their friendsmen like to do activities with their friends such as playing sports
sex differences in emotional support and affection
women friendships show more emotional supportsuch as holding hands, kissing and huggingmen do not do thisthey show affection through humor, roughhouse, shared activities
challenges in cross sex friendships
O'Mearachallenges men and women face when wanting to be "just friends"1. emotional bond challenge2. sexual challenge3. public presentation challenge
emotional bond challenge
stems from men and women being socialized to see one another as potential romantic partners than platonic friends
sexual challenge
coping with the potential sexual attraction that can be part of some cross sex relationshipsexample: when harry met sally, harry declares that men and women cannot be friends because of "sex thing"50% reported having experienced sexual attraction toward cross sex friendis higher for men than woman
public presentation challenge
when other people assume there is something romantic or sexual going on in a cross friendshipcross sex friends are sometimes careful about how they present their friendship to others and may be asked to explain the nature of their relationship to others
coping with romantic intent
romantic intent- desire to move the friendship toward romantic relationship is related to maintenance behaviorGuerrero and Chavez- four types of cross- sex friendships1. strictly platonic- said that neither of them wanted the friendship to become romantic 2. mutual romance- said that they both wanted the friendship to become romantic 3. desires romance- said they wanted the friendship to become romantic but the partner wanted it to remain platonic4. rejects romance- they wanted the friendship to stay platonic but their partner wanted it to become romantic
friends with benefits
when friends decided to have sex but not become a couple47-68 college students of been in a friends with benefits relationshipsadvantages- a person is able to have sex with a trusted other while avoiding commitment disadvantages- emotions getting in the way, jealousy, hurt might developwomen focus on the friends part of relationshipmen focus on benefits part
idealization
an explanation of why some long distance relastionships stay satifsying despite lack of face to face interaction
conflict
is not inherently good or badit's about how you handle, engage the conflictproductive ways to solve the problem focus on taskscare resources- topic that is inconflict time, money, emotional avaliabilityincompatiable goalsdifferent goals, conflict is likely to occur percevied interfence- interferring for what your goals are disagreement between two interdependent people who perceive that they have incompatible goals
six conflict styles
1. competitive fighting- try to control the interaction so they have more power than their partner, achieve dominance. tactics are confrontational remarks, accusations, personal criticisms, threats, name-calling, blaming the partner, sarcasm and hostile jokes2.compromising-direct and moderately cooperative, searching a fair, intermediate position that satisfies some for both partner's needs. "splitting the difference", meeting partner half way3.collaborating- direct and cooperative. focuses on cooperative problem solving that helps people find creative solutions that satisfy both partners needs and lead to a win-win situation.collaborating is better than compromising because partners have both met their goals and do not have to give anything up4.indirect-indirect and uncooperative. passive aggressive and active distancing . failing to acknowledge or vaildate the partner's concerns, ignoring the partner, holding a grudge, using a whiny voice, silent treatment 5.avoiding- people refrain from arguing and refuse to confront their partners in any meaningful way6.yielding- cooperative and indirect, forgo goals and desires in consideraton of the partnerobliging and accomdating chilling effect- (cloven and roloff) people are likely to avoid voicing their opinions and complaints when they feel powerless or fear that their partner will act aggressively toward them
four horsemen of apocalypse
desconstructive patterngottman- couples include the following four behaviors1.complaints and criticisms2. contempt and disgust3. defensiveness 4. stonewalling forms a cascade or sequence with complaining and cristizing leading to contempt which leads to defensiveness and then leads to listener withdrawal for interaction
ten rules for constructive conflict management
1. avoid gunnysacking or bringing in everything but the kitchen sink2. do not bring other people into the conflict unless they are part of the conflict3. attack positions, not people-no name calling, button pushing or violence4. avoid making empty relational threats5. if necessary, postpone conflict until your emotions cool down6. try to understand your partner's position by practicing active listening and avodiing mind reading7. use behavioral complaints rather than personal victims8. try to accomodate rather than get defensive when you feel like you are being attacked9. try to validate your partner's position by expressing agreement and positive affect rather than stonewalling or escalating conflcit10. for everyone negative statement or behavior use five positive statements or behaviors
dominance
dominance and submission as a basic, core dimension of social relationships and interpersonal communicationexpression of power used to gain or maintain influence over another
agency
an empowering aspect of experience where a person is able to freely control the surrounding environment .
dyadic power theory
most dominance would be displayed by people in equal power positions as they deal with conflict and struggle for controldominance determined by submissive responses and most work
social influence
changing someone's thoughts, emotions, or behaviors results from strategic communication when one person tries to change another person's attitudes, beliefs, feelings or behaviors
compliance-gaining strategies
relational partners can choose from an assortment of stragties to influence each other
deception
used as a compliance gaining strategypeople make false promises when they have no intention of keeping them
bargaining strategy
involves agreeing to do something for someone if the person does something in return pregiving- people use bargaining to reward their partner prior to persuasive request
aversive stimulation
AKA negative affect strategy involves whining, sulking, complaining and crying or acting angry to get one's way, hoping the receiver will eventually comply just to stop the aversive behavior
ingratiation
kissing up or sucking upusing excessive kindness to get one's way
hinting
indirect requests involves implying a request without ever coming out and stating one
moral appeals
positive altercasting and negative altercastingpostivtive moral appeals suggest a good moral person would comply with the request negative moral appeals suggest that only bad or immoral people would fail to comply
manipulation
set of strategies used to get one's way of making the partner feel guilty, ashamed, or jealous
withdrawal
passive aggressionoccur when people give their partners the silent treatment, ignore them or limit communication with them
distributive communication
distrivbutive strategies or antagonistic strategiespeople attempt to blame, hurt, insult, or berate their partner in an effort to gain compliancestrategies are bullying
threats
such as faking a breakup, failing to cooperate with a partner until the partner gives in or threatning to withhold resources such as money or information are typically ineffective
relational control moves; one-ups and one-downs
one-up messages- deferent, acceptingone-down messages- neutralone-across messages- focus is on the form of the conversation, not the content competitive symmerty- people repeatedly use one-up movessubmissive symmetry- when two people repeatedly use one-down moves