instructor presentations 1

Gottman PrinciplesKnow the difference between negative sentiment override and positive sentiment override

Negative vs positive perspectives

Gottman PrinciplesKnow the difference between solvable & perpetual problems

Perpetual problem: fundamental and ongoingSolvable: situation and passing

Gottman PrinciplesBe familiar with the statements Brittle (2015) suggested we fill out about our partners

I am proud the way youIm attracted to your (inside and out)Im impressed that youI like how you

InfidelityBe familiar with the various reasons why people cheat & how to avoid it

They feel rejected by their partner emotionally, afraid of getting too close, situational, low self esteem, lack of sexual desire/partner imbalance, sex has become stagnent, a desire to end the relationship or hurt their partner.Speak up if feel unloved, go towards fear, avoid compromising situations, be transparent, focus less on ego, happiness isnt just about making you happy, shake up routine, end it

InfidelityWhat are the signs of an emotional affair?

Frequent contact when youre not together, discussing very personal topics including problems in marriage, think of them a lot, spend a lot of time together, first person contact with any news, believe this person gets you, start to lie and keep secrets, compare spouse to them, spouse gets less and this person gets more.

InfidelityWhat role does transparency have after the affair?

The unfaithful spouse needs to provide a full disclosure of the affair right the startNot a slow drip of information over timeBe willing to answer every question your spouse asks - the goal is to help your spouse feel more secure in the relationship

InfidelityRemorse means the cheater needs to be doing what?

The cheater needs to express remorse and accept their partners feelings without defensivenessRemember this is a traumatic experience for the person who was cheated onChances are they will need to talk about it many times before they can get better

AddictionBe able to identify who has an addiction

Reward response, prevalence, disruption, escape, cessation, reverting,

AddictionBe able to identify and describe at least two addict characteristics that are hard on amarriage

Shame: lying, manipulation, shift the blame,have a hard time being happy outside of the addictionLack of motivation: addiction takes the priority,

AddictionThe addict needs to get help, including doing what?

Individual and group therapy

AddictionBe able to write out three differences between sobriety and recovery

Sobriety: stopping the behaviorRecovery: lifestyle change

AddictionUnderstand when someone is serious about recovery and when they are not

Accountable for their choices, honest with themselves and others, putting daily effort to get better