Chapter Six

What is communication rule?

A followable prescription that indicates what communication behaviors (or range of communication behaviors) is obligatory, preferred, or prohibited in certain social situations.

What are the six rules that apply to most relationships?

1. Partners should respect each other's privacy2. Partners should look one another in the eye during conversation3. Partners should not discuss with others what is said in confidence4. Partners should not criticize one another in public5. Partners should seek to repay debts, favors, and compliments-not matter how small6. Partners should (or should not) engage in sexual activity with each other

What is a communication norm?

Regardless of how specific or general a rule is, when an individual, couple group, or society follows a rule most of the time. The most typical behavior relative to the rule.

Define Hedging

Conveys that what follows is tentative and I'm willing to accept other views

Explain Credentialing

This conveys that I know you'll react unfavorably to what I'm about to say, but I'll try to establish special credentials that will soften that reaction.

Explain Sin Licenses

This conveys that I know you'll react negatively, but that's they way it has to be.

Explain Cognitive

This conveys that I realize you may think I'm losing touch with the facts or reality, so I'll acknowledge the fact, thereby showing I am in control.

Explain Appeal for Suspended Judgement.

This conveys that I know you are going to be tempted to react unfavorably, but wait until you hear the whole story.

Three reasons why rule violations may not be negatively sanctioned are:

1. the violator may be of a higher status and it may, therefore, be in the best interest of the other person to overlook the violation2. the violation may be viewed as a violation for the purpose of emphasis or humor3. the act of giving a negative evaluation to someone may, itself, violate a rule of politeness so it is not proffered

Define scripts

Sequences of actions that we carry out automatically, with very little thought

Explain the attenuation rule

the expansiveness of the greeting will gradually subside with each subsequent greeting, especially when an individual is forced to greet a personal numerous times during the day.

What is the greeting sequence?

1. Sighting, Orientation, and Initiation of the Approach2. Distant Salutation3. Approach4. Close Salutation

What are the four forms of address?

1. Formal-Informal2. Ambiguous formality3. Informal4. Intimate-Affectionate

In the intimate-affectionate category, what are the four stages of formality?

1. A further alternation of one's given name seems to be most formal--Jimmy or Trish. Sometime names do not have natural intimate forms so others will invent them-Marko for Mark. 2. Nicknames that have been given because they somehow associated with one's appearance, role, or activities represent the next lower level of formality-Stretch, Goose, Hands.3. Even more personal are the names that are consider traditional terms of endearment-Angle, Babe, Honey, Sugar4. The most intimate forms of address seem to be those that have no apparent explanation, are often nonsensical, and are likely to be embarrassing if used in the presence of others-Poopsie, Snookums

What are the seven affinity-seeking strategies?

1. Demonstrate one's control and visibility2. Encourage mutual trust3. Display politeness4. Demonstrate concern and caring5. Involve the other6. Show self-involvement7. Focus on commonalities

What does control and visibility mean in terms of affinity-seeking?

Being dynamic and interesting

What does mutual trust mean in terms of affinity-seeking strategies?

Consistently fulfilling commitments

What does politeness mean in terms of affinity-seeking strategies?

adhering to conversational rules

What does concern and caring mean in terms of affinity-seeking strategies?

Listening to and supporting the other

What does self-involvement mean in terms of affinity-seeking strategies?

Including oneself in the other's activities

What does commonalities mean in terms of affinity-seeking strategies?

Pointing out similarities

Define small talk

superficial, conventional, and perhaps the lowest level of communication about oneself.

Define the entry phase

a norm often seems to be operating that says, I provide you with some information about myself, and you will reciprocate by giving me an equal amount of information about yourself