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Gomez: Fight sir, fight like a man! Feel the kiss of my Spanish steel! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Foiled again! Oww! Foiled by your lightning reflexes!
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GOMEZ: Ugh! Flowers! Who would send something so tasteless?
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Gomez: "Goody-licious?" Who talks like this?
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Gomez: Lucas?
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GOMEZ: But Lucas is a boy's name.
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GOMEZ: Wednesday has a friend who's a boy?
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WEDNESDAY: Mom, Dad, I shot dinner.
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Wednesday: Petting zoo.
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Gomez: A PUZZLING THING A SECRET IN THE HOUSE A BOY, A GIRL, A RING...
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Gomez : What do you mean?
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Gomez: This boy? Don't be silly. Ha! I say. And double ha! Ha-ha! You yourself said: puppy love! Come, darling - I feel an urge to take you in my arms. Let's go upstairs -
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Gomez: on the other, she is a healthy young woman. Like you were. Are. Like you are. She could even fall in love and get married. Like you did.
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GOMEZ: Of course. I didn't think of that.
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Gomez : How do you know?
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Gomez: Yes, but what if - and I have no reason to say this - what if she did meet someone who stole her heart?
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Gomez: THERE ARE THREE THINGS I WOULD NEVER DO LIE TO MY WIFE LIE TO MY DAUGHTER OR TELL THE TRUTH TO EITHER ONE
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GOMEZ: Of course!
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GOMEZ: What?
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GOMEZ: No! No!
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Gomez: SHOULD I BEG SHOULD I RAGE OR STAY SAFELY IN MY CAGE HOW? TRAPPED, TRAPPED, TRAPPED
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Wednesday: BETTER FAR THAN HIS BARK
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Wednesday: DO WHATS TRUELY TABOO AS IM PULLED IN A NEW DIRECTION!
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Gomez: Yes, but I don't think it's such a big -
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Gomez: No!
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GOMEZ: I mean we can't do that.
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Gomez: Because then there won't be a dinner.
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Gomez: Of course -
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Gomez: THERE ARE FOUR THINGS
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GOMEZ: I think we should have this dinner.
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Gomez: We need to introduce her to the world -
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Gomez: But cara-
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Wednesday: Ok, family meeting. About tonight. Now. Here's the schedule. First we have drinks, like, "Hi, nice to meet you" -
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Wednesday: Okay. And then they'll want to see the house, and then at eight, we'll have dinner and they can be back at their goal by nine thirty.
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WEDNESDAY: Thank you, daddy!
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Wednesday: What? Please, no! Not the Game.
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WEDNESDAY: It's my dinner!
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Grandma: Define normal. Shhh.
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Gomez: I got too far. No matter, the night, she is young. Welcome to our extremely normal home. Gomez Florencia Addams, at your service. Allow me to present my wife, la duena, mother of my children, el amor de mi vida... the love of my life - Morticia!
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Gomez : That's my little woman. A duchess in the parlor and a genius in the kitchen.
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MAL: Mrs. Addams-
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Alice: Alice
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MAL: They don't need to know that!
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Wednesday: Thank you, mother. Hi, I'm Wednesday.
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WEDNESDAY: a dress..
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GOMEZ: Paloma, what happened? You look like a crime scene.
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Wednesday: I'm just being normal, ok?
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Gomez: And now for a welcoming toast from the extensive Addams caves!
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**ALICE: Excuse me. Do you have a little girls room?
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Gomez: Morticia, a grand tour for the missus and the mister and I will go below for some "guy stuff." Then, dinner-
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Alice : Did you get the flowers?
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ALICE: I wrote it.
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Alice: "When I'm depressed or feeling blessed, a poem will get it off my chest. They come to me, they take no time, they just pop out, and always rhyme.
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Alice: And they're always the one thing everyone needs and so few have!
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Gomez: Come, Beineke- let me show the moat. Did you bring a bathing suit? Never mind lets get crazy.
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Alice: Who's that looking over her shoulder?
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ALICE: She has two heads?
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Alice: And who's that man in the dress?
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ALICE: What's that?
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Alice: "We promise to tango at least three times a week.
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Alice: "We promise to tell each other everything.
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ALICE: Everything?
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Alice: And you're still married?
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ALICE: Boy, it sure doesn't work that way in our house.
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Alice: Well- "What's good for the gander is a nice quiet goose; if I told Mal my secrets, all heck would break loose.
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Wednesday: We kind of found each other. It's kind of a miracle.
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Wednesday: Daddy, you promised after dinner.
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LUCAS: No, sir.
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GOMEZ: Nothing. We were just talking.
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Gomez: No, it was talking! Conspiring is-
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Gomez: Querida... stop this foolishness.
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Gomez: Querida, I have never kept anything from you, and may lightening strike me where I stand if I am keeping anything from you now.
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Gomez: Here, Cara. I have an urge to take you in my arms.
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Gomez: What?
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GOMEZ: But you've never turned down a trip to heaven.
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Gomez: In fact, while being burned alive, he said to the priest-"keep it pink in the middle, a little crispy on the outside.
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Wednesday: Thank you, daddy.
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ALICE: Oh! Spanish! What does it mean!
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Gomez: Exactly. Everyone sips from the sacred family chalice-
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GOMEZ: Loosely based on the Inquisition.
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ALICE: Or what?
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Alice: Oh no, no no no no.
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GOMEZ: No, no, the host goes last
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Gomez: And they never did open it. And everyone lived happily ever after. Full disclosure.
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FESTER: I - am in love!
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Fester: You're probably thinking, what could a fat bald person of no specific gender knows about love? But I, too, am in love. Fester loves!
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Fester: Oh, I haven't told her yet.
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Everyone: AND CALL IT FULL DISCLOSURE!
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Grandma: Call me Cougar, but five'll get you ten there's a couple of 90 year old hotties out there just waiting for this Grandma. Full Disclo... Full Disclo... I just peed a little.
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Gomez: I've still got the fox box problem.
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WEDNESDAY: You were right, Lucas.
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WEDNESDAY: Thanks anyway, Daddy.
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WEDNESDAY: We should have just told her.
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Wednesday: It doesn't matter. Lucas and I love each other. And we're getting married.
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Fester: There you are: secrets exposed. Marriages threatened. Delicious anarchy. What happens now? Can this be repaired? Or do you all leave in an hour feeling vaguely depressed? Let's find out, shall we?
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Gomez: Cara-
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GOMEZ: My sweet, my only- Wednesday wasn't sure about the boy and didn't want to worry you.
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Gomez: You're a wonderful mother.
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Gomez: Cara-
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Gomez: My mother? I thought she was your mother. No seriously.
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Gomez: Here, Cara. I feel the urge to take you in my arms.
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Gomez: But cara-
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FROM HERE ON IN YOURE SINGING TO MY SOUL MY SOUL
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PUGSLEY: I can't sleep.
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PUGSLEY: There's no monster in the closet.
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PUGSLEY: Mommy... I have a Full Disclosure.
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Pugsley: What if you tried to do something to somebody and you ended up doing it to somebody else by mistake?
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PUGSLEY: Well, I was talking to Grandma before, and she told me-
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PUGSLEY: Is Wednesday really gonna marry that guy?
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PUGSLEY: Oh no! Make me feel better mom!
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PUGSLEY: Uh-huh. Thanks, Mom.
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Gomez: So it's true.
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GOMEZ: There's another secret I haven't told you.
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Gomez: That you are the most exquisite, the most magnificent, the most desirable of all women.
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GOMEZ: No. But even you had a secret- once.
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Gomez: And if you're wrong.
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GOMEZ: But if you are, what will you give me?
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GOMEZ: A dance.
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Gomez: Many years ago, when you loved me and you wanted to marry me, we came to your father and told him, and he said, "Wonderful, let's go tell your mother." And what did you say?
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Gomez: You said, "No! She'll ask a lot of embarrassing questions and wreck the whole thing.
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GOMEZ: Uh huh.
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Gomez: And Wednesday is you. Isn't it wonderful?
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Gomez: LETS END THIS TUG OF WAR AND DANCE
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Gomez: What I lack in depth i make up for in shallowness.
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Wednesday: I'm sorry.
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WEDNESDAY: I do.
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Wednesday: He's willing to die for me. Mother, I need to ask you something.
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WEDNESDAY: Can we have your blessing?
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Gomez: Attencion everybody! I have a Full Disclosure. I'm taking my beautiful wife to Paris!
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GOMEZ: Special package. One day, seven nights.
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Grandma: So you stole my Acrimonium-
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MAL: -which made me fall in love with my family all over again-
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Gomez: Young man, for purely selfish motives, you turned a simple dinner party into a nightmare.
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Fester: I'm embracing the unknown! I'm moving toward my darkness!
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Gomez: Are you unhappy, my darling?